


Knowns and Unknowns

by shadowen



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Making out in a closet, Past Torture, Triggers, references to sexual abuse, talking through problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 08:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5701762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowen/pseuds/shadowen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe makes lists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowns and Unknowns

**Author's Note:**

> All the thanks to hoosierbitch for her perfect editing and infinite patience.

Poe makes lists.

Lists, diagrams, schematics, cross-sections, collections of data points to catalogue and understand. He never writes anything down; he doesn’t need to. It’s always right there in front of him, a readout of information to help him make sense of the world on the ground.

Finn, for instance: in Poe’s head, there is an ever more detailed schematic designated _Finn_ , subdivided into _Known_ and _Unknown_ categories, both of which seem to grow at the same rate. For every line added under ‘Things Finn Likes’, there always seems to be a corresponding question mark.

For every part of Finn’s body Poe checks off as ‘Yes Touch’/’No Touch’, he knows there’s a story he hasn’t been told. Most of the time, he lets it go and trusts that answers will come when they need to.

In the category of ‘Poe’s Favorite Things’ is Finn’s incredible enthusiasm, which leads to situations like this one: Poe flat on his back in a storage room, tangled in his unzipped flight suit, and Finn kissing him like the last air in the galaxy is in his mouth.

The moment Poe’s arms are free of the suit, Finn grabs his wrists and pins him to the ground hard enough to bruise Poe’s knuckles and wrench a groan out of his throat.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?” Finn asks anxiously, panting like he might combust if the answer is _no_.

“I am so much more than okay.” Poe rolls his hips to show just how far beyond okay he is, and Finn’s grip on his wrists tightens. Grinning, he suggests, “Do you wanna play helpless Rebel prisoner and sexy stormtrooper? Because I could be up for that.”

Finn reacts like he’s been punched in the chest. All the life and joy and longing goes out of his face so fast that it might never have been there at all. Immediately, he crawls off Poe, backing away until he’s sitting against the wall, legs crossed in from of him. The room is too small for him to go far, but it feels like he’s suddenly light years away.

“Hey! Whoah. Alright. So that was... I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” Poe sits up slowly and holds up his hands, empty, open, as calm as he can be. In his head, he’s scrambling, revisiting his diagram, trying to figure out where this fits with what he knows and doesn’t know. He’s seen Finn flinch at certain words and strange sounds, but never anything sexual, never anything like this. Gently, he asks, “Are you okay?”

“Fine. Fine. I’m fine,” Finn answers weakly, so quiet that it doesn’t sound like his voice. He shakes his head and mutters, “It’s fine. You weren’t there that long. It’s fine.”

“Who wasn’t what where?” Mentally, Poe adds ‘Finn Freaking Out’ to the category of things that scare the shit out of him, which already includes ‘Anything Bad Happening to Finn Ever’. Given the trigger for this response, he thinks that list might be about to get longer. “Finn, did somebody... Did they make you…?”

The look of horror that crosses Finn’s face is a relief after the blankness. “What? No! No, not me.” He shakes his head. “Sometimes, with prisoners, interrogators would... but you weren’t there that long. We got out. It’s okay.”

Poe gets it, and his stomach turns. “Oh. _Oh._ Shit. No.” He scrambles to his knees and takes both of Finn’s hands, adding all of this to ‘Reasons to Burn the First Order to the Fucking Ground’. “Look at me,” he says, and he waits until Finn’s eyes lift to go on. “Those bastards never touched me, alright? Sure, they roughed me up a little, but that’s it.”

He’s not thinking about Kylo Ren, hand outstretched, boring into him like a terrible drill, collapsing every secret he’s ever had and ripping up whole pieces of his mind and memories just to tear out that one little thing.

“This time,” Finn replies. “What if you get caught again? They know who you are. They know I saved you.”

“Well, then I just won’t get caught.” Poe musters a grin that’s much brighter than he feels, but it warms up when Finn gives him a small smile in return. “And if I do, I’m counting on you to rescue me. Or send Snap and the rest of the jockeys to get me out. Either way, I don’t figure I’ll be sitting pretty very long.”

“Or they’ll just kill you,” Finn says flatly.

Poe blinks. “Or, y’know, that. Which isn’t the worst thing that could happen.” Finn gapes at him. “What? It’s not. I’m not looking to fall on any swords, but I’m not scared.”

“I am.”

Finn says it so simply, so honestly, that there’s no answer but silence. After a moment, Poe asks, “Scared of dying, or scared of me dying?”

“Both. You. All of it.” Finn sighs. “What you said... I know you were teasing, but it made me think about you being there and what would have happened if I’d left you or waited too long or just done nothing. Everything could have gone so much worse if I hadn’t been more terrified of reconditioning than I was of getting shot.”

Poe isn’t going to think about that. He’s not going to consider what would have happened to himself or Rey or BB-8 or General Organa or Master Skywalker if Finn hadn’t marched him out of that cell. He says, “I think maybe that’s all being brave really is: doing something that scares you just because doing nothing is worse.”

Finn tilts his head, squinting at Poe. “I think you’re saying that to try and make me feel better.”

“I’m saying it because it’s true. Making you feel better is a positive side effect.” Gently, he lifts one of Finn’s hands and leaves a light kiss between two knuckles. “I mean, making you feel good is one of my favorite things.”

It is. It’s on the list.

Finn clears his throat. “So, um, did me flipping out completely kill the mood, or...?

Poe doesn’t even wait for the question mark before he’s diving in for the most real, solid kiss he can manage.

The _Unknown_ category in his diagram of Finn is still vast, but the things Poe knows, good and bad, are expanding every day. 

Finn breaks away just long enough for both of them to breathe in deep. He’s grinning, but he look’s Poe in the eye, and his smile vanishes. “Tell me I’m really here,” he says. “Tell me we’re really doing this.”

“We’re really doing this,” Poe promises. “We’re here, we’re okay. Alright?”

There is a pause, and for a second, Poe feels like he’s turned a blind corner, veered into the path of some unseen demon from Finn’s nightmares. Then, slowly, Finn nods, and the course ahead is clear again.


End file.
